Every day, it is still hard to believe my lovely wife, Pat, is not here. Everywhere I look in the house brings back the memories of us buying a picture or furniture or arguing about where it should go. How petty arguments can be between married people?
I could be doing fine for a day, busy with work or watching a game on TV, and as I turn it off and the silence takes over the room, thoughts of Pat come flooding through me. All of a sudden, tears fall down to my cheeks. Before her passing, we had our pity parties, but I had her to hold on to. Not any more.
But I do have friends. High school friends, Pat's friends, (and there are many), work friends from SportsPhone through The Score and now ESPN 1000. Also, my beer friends. Over the last few years, through Justin Maynard, Vikki Reid and Chet Brett, I have been able to meet so many great people who are making awesome beer. There are too many others to mention, but they have all been supportive and helpful in my time of grieving.
Just three weeks ago, I had the pleasure of reconnecting with friends I hadn't seen in thirty years. First, I went to a girl's house, (sorry, we're all girls and guys), that I had been close friends with, but haven't actually seen since before Pat and I got married. We had a great time reminiscing and discussing each others lives since we last talked. Discussing our thirty years took a while.
Then, that evening, I went to dinner at another friend's home, who, other than a funeral here and there, I hadn't seen forever. He and his wife, also a friend, made me a wonderful dinner and we talked and laughed and I cried, for nearly four hours.
Heading home that evening, I was so happy that we had reconnected. It was great to see that after like 5 minutes, it seemed like we had talked just last week. That is the true indication that we were great friends back when.
Dinners and lunches and drinks with supportive buddies and couples have kept me busy, and I have enjoyed and NEEDED all of them. A text here or a phone call there, I can't tell you how much it means. I actually find myself becoming a nicer person...stop laughing, I know that's a difficult idea to fathom for some of you.
After the events of last week, the tragic helicopter crash killing nine individuals, including Kobe Bryant and his 13 year old daughter, Gianna, millions of sports fans and just regular people, discussed dealing with just an awful feeling of sadness. I am far to familiar with that feeling and have to tell you, when the people lost are YOUR spouses or family, that feeling will NEVER go away. I used to refer to it as "constant sadness" when I talked with Pat in her final days. It is always there.
That is why friends are always needed.
Today, I had the chance to do one of Pat's favorite things...SHOP!!!
Pat and I would travel to the Aurora Outlet mall several times a year. She would always tell me to buy whatever I want. I'm cheap. I would always see things and convince myself that I don't need it. We always would stop at Coach to see if there was a new purse she would like, and she often found at least one. She also loved her shoes and nice ones. We shopped often at Clark's and I have a few pair of their shoes and still have them.
Today, I hit both of those stores, left with two pairs of shoes, (any two pairs for $99), and a nice man bag/messenger bag from Coach, ($450 on sale for $139). I would have liked them in the past, but would have decided against purchasing them. Today, I could feel her smiling down and happy that I was getting things for me. She taught me well.
Not sure how happy she would be that I put a turntable on her grandmother's Singer sewing machine so I could play some of my hundreds of albums in the family room and not have to run to the basement.
If you are one of the many that have gotten in touch with me, I Love You and appreciate it so much. If not, I'll be talking to you soon. Hit me up. Contact me on Facebook. Can't wait to talk with you and talk about my love.
I could be doing fine for a day, busy with work or watching a game on TV, and as I turn it off and the silence takes over the room, thoughts of Pat come flooding through me. All of a sudden, tears fall down to my cheeks. Before her passing, we had our pity parties, but I had her to hold on to. Not any more.
But I do have friends. High school friends, Pat's friends, (and there are many), work friends from SportsPhone through The Score and now ESPN 1000. Also, my beer friends. Over the last few years, through Justin Maynard, Vikki Reid and Chet Brett, I have been able to meet so many great people who are making awesome beer. There are too many others to mention, but they have all been supportive and helpful in my time of grieving.
Just three weeks ago, I had the pleasure of reconnecting with friends I hadn't seen in thirty years. First, I went to a girl's house, (sorry, we're all girls and guys), that I had been close friends with, but haven't actually seen since before Pat and I got married. We had a great time reminiscing and discussing each others lives since we last talked. Discussing our thirty years took a while.
Then, that evening, I went to dinner at another friend's home, who, other than a funeral here and there, I hadn't seen forever. He and his wife, also a friend, made me a wonderful dinner and we talked and laughed and I cried, for nearly four hours.
Heading home that evening, I was so happy that we had reconnected. It was great to see that after like 5 minutes, it seemed like we had talked just last week. That is the true indication that we were great friends back when.
Dinners and lunches and drinks with supportive buddies and couples have kept me busy, and I have enjoyed and NEEDED all of them. A text here or a phone call there, I can't tell you how much it means. I actually find myself becoming a nicer person...stop laughing, I know that's a difficult idea to fathom for some of you.
After the events of last week, the tragic helicopter crash killing nine individuals, including Kobe Bryant and his 13 year old daughter, Gianna, millions of sports fans and just regular people, discussed dealing with just an awful feeling of sadness. I am far to familiar with that feeling and have to tell you, when the people lost are YOUR spouses or family, that feeling will NEVER go away. I used to refer to it as "constant sadness" when I talked with Pat in her final days. It is always there.
That is why friends are always needed.
Today, I had the chance to do one of Pat's favorite things...SHOP!!!
Pat and I would travel to the Aurora Outlet mall several times a year. She would always tell me to buy whatever I want. I'm cheap. I would always see things and convince myself that I don't need it. We always would stop at Coach to see if there was a new purse she would like, and she often found at least one. She also loved her shoes and nice ones. We shopped often at Clark's and I have a few pair of their shoes and still have them.
Today, I hit both of those stores, left with two pairs of shoes, (any two pairs for $99), and a nice man bag/messenger bag from Coach, ($450 on sale for $139). I would have liked them in the past, but would have decided against purchasing them. Today, I could feel her smiling down and happy that I was getting things for me. She taught me well.
Not sure how happy she would be that I put a turntable on her grandmother's Singer sewing machine so I could play some of my hundreds of albums in the family room and not have to run to the basement.
If you are one of the many that have gotten in touch with me, I Love You and appreciate it so much. If not, I'll be talking to you soon. Hit me up. Contact me on Facebook. Can't wait to talk with you and talk about my love.
Hey Fred, listening to you on the radio while reading your latest blog post. It's hard to wrap our minds around the seeming randomness of life. My wife and I have a son who passed away almost thrity years ago as a two week old because of some complications after birth. Thirty years later, the sadness is still an undercurrent, but along it, more and more each year, runs a more complete sense of love and bonds that last into our next form of life, after this one ends.
ReplyDeleteAgree about the friends in our lives. Unlike family and siblings, we get to choose our friends so that makes them extra special. Thanks for being a "virtual" friend through blogspot & espn radio. Keep up the good fight and hang in there. One day at a time.
Appreciate it Victor.
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