One Day at a Time

It's been a month since the love of my life, Patricia, passed away after her battle...and boy, did she battle, with Ovarian Cancer.

We had the discussions, we knew this was coming, but it doesn't make it any easier. Cancer had spread to the bones, which Ovarian Cancer does just 1% of the time, and when that happened in July when she suffered a broken hip, we knew the fight was coming to an end.

Nothing stopped Pat. She kept fighting because she had so much more to do. She wanted to see her goddaughter, Katie, graduate from the University of Platteville. She was so happy for her other goddaughter, Meghan, that she wanted to watch her first son, Bennett, grow up. She wanted to FINALLY get to Italy, a trip we had hoped for since our 25th anniversary. We had been married for 38 years at the time of her death. (Never put off til tomorrow what you can do today.)

Now, I find myself alone. We met in 1977. We had been best friends ever since.

I would always call Pat after work to see what she was doing or if she wanted to meet for lunch. The last few years, it was asking if she needed me to stop for food before heading to the hospital or the rehab facility. Due to her hospital stays, I had, unfortunately, become used to being home by myself, but I always knew I would be seeing her. I now know I will see her again, but it will hopefully be many years from now.

Family and friends have been great, as expected.

I took a long walk through Morton Arboretum with my sister, Amy and brother, Tim. My buddy, Pete, made some of his chili for me. I have gone to lunches and dinners with friends and family. One of her best friends, Sue, (she had too many to pick one over the other), and her daughter Meghan came over to help with clothes and winter coats so I can donate some for the cold weather ahead.

I have kept busy. Working allows me to concentrate on other things besides my loss.

Pat had prepped me for this. Several weeks before her death, Pat had an episode where the doctors thought she was having a stroke. Her breathing had slowed and she was retaining co2. She came out of it. The next day, I told her she had us all scared and she asked why. She said you know it's coming, you are going to have to be strong for me.

I have had a lot to do since her services. Financial stuff, insurance claims, licking 268 envelopes sending thank you cards to those who came to her viewing.

It is all different. The quiet every night is so loud. I need Alexa to play music or waterfall sounds to put me to sleep.

I never want to forget. I want to keep talking about all the great things Pat had done and the affect she had on others. She was a special person and one that so many had the pleasure to get to know.

I have been writing in a journal nearly everyday so I don't forget things I would have told her if she was still here. I also have asked all her friends and former co-workers to write in a special journal their favorite memories of Pat. It will be a wonderful thing for me to have and look at as time goes by.

I know, usually I write about sports and beer. The Bears snapped a four game losing streak yesterday and Saturday I attended this years Festival of Wood and Barrel Aged Beers, (FoBAB), and had a wonderful time seeing all the brewers I have been fortunate to get to know over the last decade. That will continue.

I had ignored putting down my thoughts the last few years, but hope to resume on a semi-regular basis.

If you see me, just give me a hug. There is nothing you can say to make me feel better. I am doing as well as I can. She was my life. She will always be with me and now is everywhere I go.